The Qur'aan and Sunnah on Parents

KIND TREATMENT TOWARDS PARENTS AND ESTABLISHMENT OF THE TIES OF
BLOOD RELATIONSHIP


Allah, the Exalted, says:

"Worship Allah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to
parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masakin (the poor), the neighbour who is
near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your
side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves) whom your right hands
possess". (4:36)

"And fear Allah through Whom you demand (your mutual rights), and (do
not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship)". (4:1) "And those who
join that which Allah has commanded to be joined (i.e., they are good to
their relatives and do not sever the bond of kinship)". (13:21)

"And we have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents". (29:

"And your Rubb has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you
be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old
age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at
them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing
of submission and humility through mercy, and say: `My Rubb! Bestow on
them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young". (17:23,24)

"And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents.
His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship,
and his weaning is in two years- give thanks to Me and to your
parents". (31:14)

312. `Abdullah bin Mas`ud (May Allah be pleased with him)
reported: I asked the Prophet (PBUH) , "Which of the deeds is loved most
by Allah?'' Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Salat at its proper
time.'' I asked, ``What next?'' He (PBUH) replied, ``Kindness to
parents.'' I asked, ``What next?'' He replied, ``Jihad in the way of
Allah.'' [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Commentary:
<blockquote>Performance of Salat at the stated time means its
performance in earliest prescribed or at least its regularity. One
should not give preference to mundane affairs over it. Salat and Jihad
are the two most meritorious duties of a Muslim. When nice treatment to
parents is mentioned along with Salat and Jihad, it gives further
importance to this injunction.</blockquote>

313. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "No son can repay (the kindness shown by
his father) unless he finds him a slave and buys him and emancipates
him". [Muslim].

Commentary:
<blockquote>This Hadith also brings out the eminence of parents and
outstanding importance of their rights.</blockquote>

316. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A
person came to Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and asked, "Who among people
is most deserving of my fine treatment?'' He (PBUH) said, "Your mother".
He again asked, ``Who next?'' "Your mother", the Prophet (PBUH) replied
again. He asked, "Who next?'' He (the Prophet (PBUH)) said again, "Your
mother.'' He again asked, "Then who?'' Thereupon he (PBUH) said,'' Then
your father.''

In another narration: "O Messenger of Allah! Who is most deserving of my
fine treatment?'' He (PBUH) said, "Your mother, then your mother, then
your mother, then your father, then your nearest, then nearest". [Al-Bukhari
and Muslim].

Commentary:
<blockquote>This Hadith tells us that the rights of the mother are three
times more important than that of the father for the reasons that: 1
She is weaker than the father. 2. The following three troubles are borne
exclusively by the mother while the father does not share them with
her: a) She carries the baby in her womb for nine months, b) The labor
pain which she suffers. c) Two years' period of suckling which disturbs
her sleep at night and affects her health. She has also to be very
cautious in her food for the welfare of the baby.</blockquote>

317. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
The Prophet (PBUH) said, "May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May
he be disgraced, whose parents, one or both, attain old age during his
life time, and he does not enter Jannah (by rendering being dutiful to
them)". [Muslim].

Commentary:
<blockquote>The word ``Ragham'' means soil. When a person's nose is
soiled, it is a mark of his extreme humiliation. This metaphor carries a
curse for an unfortunate person who does not win the pleasure of Allah
by serving and obeying his parents. In fact, it is a malediction as well
as a prediction of someone's inauspicious end. Service of parents is
essential at every stage of their life - whether they are young or old.
But this Hadith mentions their old age for the reason that in that
period of their life they stand in greater need of care and service. It
is a very callous offense to leave them at the mercy of circumstances
when they are old, senile and depend on others for their needs. To
neglect them at that stage is a major sin for which one deserves
Hell-fire.</blockquote>

318. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A
man said to Messenger of Allah (PBUH): "I have relatives with whom I
try to keep the ties of relationship but they sever relations with me;
and whom I treat kindly but they treat me badly, I am gentle with them
but they are rough to me.'' He (PBUH) replied, "If you are as you say,
it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes, and you will be with a
supporter against them from Allah as long as you continue to do so". [Muslim].


Commentary:
<blockquote>This Hadith has three important lessons: First, the
misbehaviour of one's relative is no justification for the misbehaviour
of another, let alone the severing of relations on that account. Second,
the person who treats his relatives nicely in all events and
circumstances is blessed by Allah Who will send from heaven helpers to
support him. Third, the consequence of denying compassion and kindness
to relatives is as woeful as the eating of hot ashes.</blockquote>

319. Anas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger
of Allah (PBUH) said, "He who desires ample provisions and his life be
prolonged, should maintain good ties with his blood relations". [Al-Bukhari
and Muslim].

Commentary:
<blockquote>One who is benevolent and compassionate towards one's own
relatives, stands to gain at least two definite advantages in this world
besides the reward in the next. These two advantages are the increase
in his subsistence and longevity of life. Increase in subsistence means
that Almighty Allah will increase the quantity of his worldly goods or
his means of subsistence will be blessed by Him. Similar is the case of
longevity of life. The life of such person is either actually increased
(in terms of years) or his life is graced with the Blessings of Allah.
Both interpretations are correct.</blockquote>

321. `Abdullah bin `Amr bin Al-`as (May Allah be pleased with them)
reported: A man came to the Prophet (PBUH) of Allah and said, "I swear
allegiance to you for emigration and Jihad, seeking reward from Allah.''
He (PBUH) said, "Are either of your parents alive?'' He said, "Yes,
both of them are alive.'' He (PBUH) then asked, "Do you want to seek
reward from Allah?'' He replied in the affirmative. Thereupon Messenger
of Allah (PBUH) said, "Go back to your parents and keep good company
with them". [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

In another narration it is reported that a person came to Messenger of
Allah (PBUH) and sought his permission to participate in Jihad. The
Prophet (PBUH) asked, "Are your parents alive?'' He replied in the
affirmative. The Prophet (PBUH) said, "(You should) consider their
service as Jihad.''

Commentary:
<blockquote>Under normal circumstances, Jihad is Fard Kifayah
(collective duty -- which means that if some people observe it, the rest
of the Muslims will be exempted from its obligation). In such
circumstances permission of parents to participate in Jihad is necessary
because their service is Fard-ul-`ain (individual duty -- an injunction
or ordinance, the obligation of which extends to every Muslim in
person), and the former cannot be preferred to the latter. This Hadith
explains such a situation. In certain circumstances, however, Jihad
becomes Fard-ul-`ain and in that case permission of the parents to take
part in Jihad is not essential because then every Muslim is duty-bound
to take part in it.</blockquote>

322. `Abdullah bin `Amr Al-`as (May Allah be pleased with them)
reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, "The person who perfectly maintains
the ties of kinship is not the one who does it because he gets
recompensed by his relatives (for being kind and good to them), but the
one who truly maintains the bonds of kinship is the one who persists in
doing so even though the latter has severed the ties of kinship with
him". [Al-Bukhari].

Commentary:
<blockquote>This Hadith makes clear the essentials of kindness to
relatives. Those kinsmen who respect and honour you, would obviously be
treated by you fairly. It goes without saying that people usually
reciprocate sentiments showed to them. But this is not maintaining the
ties of kinship but kindness for kindness. On the opposite side, there
is a kinsman who is rough and rude and is always bent upon severing
relation with you, but you tolerate his excesses with patience and
perseverance, return his harshness with politeness, maintain
relationship with him in spite of all his efforts to break it, then what
you are exercising is maintaining the ties of kinship. This is what
Islam actually demands from a Muslim. But this is the excellence of
Faith which one must try to attain. There is nothing remarkable in
exchanging dry smiles.</blockquote>

325. Asma' bint Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (May Allah be pleased with her)
said: My mother came to me while she was still a polytheist, so I asked
Messenger of Allah (PBUH), "My mother, who is ill-disposed to Islam,
has come to visit me. Shall I maintain relations with her?'' He (PBUH)
replied, "Yes, maintain relations with your mother". [Al-Bukhari and
Muslim].

Commentary:
<blockquote>The woman mentioned in this Hadith had come from Makkah to
Al-Madinah. What this Hadith signifies is that it is essential to be
kind to parents even if they are Mushrikun (polytheists) and Kuffar
(disbelievers). This has also been clearly ordained in the Noble Qur'an:
``... but behave with them in the world kindly". (31:15)</blockquote>

333. Ibn `Umar (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: I
had a wife whom I loved but `Umar (May Allah be pleased with him)
disliked her. He asked me to divorce her and when I refused, `Umar (May
Allah be pleased with him) went to Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and
mentioned the matter to him. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) asked me to
divorce her. [At-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud].

Commentary:
<blockquote>If parents' order to divorce one's wife is based on the
principles of Shari`ah and morality, it must be obeyed, as is evident
from this Hadith. If their order is founded on other factors, then one
should try to convince them politely so that they agree with one's view
on the issue. Here Ibn `Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) loved his
wife for love's sake, but his father `Umar bin Khattab (May Allah be
pleased with him) disliked her basing his decision on religious grounds.
This is why the Prophet (PBUH) ordered Ibn `Umar to obey his father.</blockquote>


334. Abud-Darda' (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A
man came to me and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to
divorce". I replied him that I had heard Messenger of Allah (PBUH)
saying, "A parent is the best of the gates of Jannah; so if you wish,
keep to the gate, or lose it.'' [At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah].

Commentary:
<blockquote>The word "Walid,'' applies to mother as well as father. As
the word "Walidain'' is a dual form and covers mother and father both;
similarly the noun "father'', also applies to both. This Hadith also
stresses that obedience of parents and submission to their order must
have preference over the love for the wife as long as this order of
theirs is fair and just.</blockquote>

335. Al-Bara' bin `Azib (May Allah be pleased with them)
reported: I heard the Prophet (PBUH) saying: "A mother's sister is
equivalent to (real) mother (in status)". [At-Tirmidhi]

Commentary:
<blockquote>This Hadith tells us that one should be as respectful to
one's aunt (mother's real sister) as one is to mother, as it is a virtue
as well as "a form of maintaining the ties of kinship".</blockquote>

PROHIBITION OF DISOBEYING PARENTS AND SEVERANCE OF RELATIONS


Allah, the Exalted, says:

"Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the
land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has
cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.'' (47:22,23)

"And those who break the Covenant of Allah, after its ratification, and
sever that which Allah has commanded to be joined (i.e., they sever the
bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives), and work mischief
in the land, on them is the curse (i.e., they will be far away from
Allah's Mercy), and for them is the unhappy (evil) home (i.e., Hell).'' (13:25)

"And your Rubb has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you
be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old
age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at
them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing
of submission and humility through mercy, and say: `My Rubb! Bestow on
them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.''' (17:23,24)

336. Abu Bakrah Nufai` bin Al-Harith (May Allah be pleased with
him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Shall I not
inform you of the biggest of the major sins?'' The Messenger of Allah
(PBUH) asked this question thrice. We said, "Yes, O Messenger of Allah.
(Please inform us.)". He said, "Ascribing partners to Allah, and to be
undutiful to your parents". The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) sat up from
his reclining position and said, "And I warn you against giving forged
statement and a false testimony; I warn you against giving forged
statement and a false testimony". The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) kept on
repeating that warning till we wished he would stop. [Al-Bukhari and
Muslim].

Commentary:
<blockquote>This Hadith mentions some of the major sins. A major sin is
one against which there is a serious warning in the Noble Qur'an and
Hadith. When disobedience to parents is mentioned along with Shirk
(polytheism), it makes the fact evident that both of these are very
serious sins. Similar is the case of telling a lie and false testimony,
which in the incident mentioned in this Hadith made Messenger of Allah
(PBUH) to leave his pillow and sit attentively. It indicates that the
latter two are serious. May Allah protect all Muslims from all such
sins.</blockquote>

337. Abdullah bin `Amr bin Al-`as (May Allah be pleased with them)
reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, "(Of the) major sins are: to ascribe
partners to Allah, disobey parents, murder someone, and to take a false
oath (intentionally)". [Al-Bukhari].

Commentary:
<blockquote>There are many more major sins which have been enlisted and
discussed at length by Muhaddathun in independent volumes, such as
Az-Zawajir `an iqtraf-al-Kaba'ir, Kitab-al-Kaba'ir by Adh-Dhahabi. This
Hadith mentions some of the major sins enumerated by the Prophet (PBUH)
on a particular occasion. We can also say that the sins mentioned here
are some of the most serious among the major sins.</blockquote>

338. `Abdullah bin `Amr bin Al-`as (May Allah be pleased with
them) reported: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "It is one of
the gravest sins to abuse one's parents.'' It was asked (by the people):
"O Messenger of Allah, can a man abuse his own parents?'' The Messenger
of Allah (PBUH) said, "He abuses the father of somebody who, in return,
abuses the former's father; he then abuses the mother of somebody who,
in return, abuses his mother". [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Another narration is: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "One of the
major sins is to curse one's parents". It was submitted: "O Messenger of
Allah! How can a man curse his own parents?'' He (PBUH) said, "When
someone curses the parents of another man who in return abuses the
former's father; and when someone abuses the mother of another man who
in return abuses his mother.''

Commentary:
<blockquote>We learn from this Hadith that one should not abuse anyone's
parents, because in the event, he is paid in the same coin, he will be
responsible for disgracing his own parents. </blockquote>

340. Abu 'Isa Al-Mughirah bin Shu`bah (May Allah be pleased with
him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, "Allah has forbidden you:
disobedience to your mothers, to withhold (what you should give), or
demand (what you do not deserve), and to bury your daughters alive. And
Allah dislikes idle talk, to ask too many questions (for things which
will be of no benefit to one), and to waste your wealth". [Al-Bukhari
and Muslim].


By Imam an-Nawawi
From Riyadhus-Saaliheen
Compiled By Al-Imaam Abu Zakariyyah Yahya Bin Sharaf An-Nawawi
Ad-Dimashqi Ashaafi'ee (rahimahullah)
Commentary By Hafiz Salahuddin Yusuf of Alharamain Foundation